Those of us north of the equator have entered the dark half of the year in the midst of its first dark moon. Ahhh yes, the exact darkness to which I was borne into 35 years ago, which makes me feel like I have returned to my beginnings. I relish the dark moon and its inherent psychic play that guides me on an inward journey through the depths of self while I search for the yearnings of my soul. Instinctively, my energy wanes with the light of days. In the coming months I will undoubtedly recoil into a harsh solitude, but not yet. For the time being, I am reveling in much happiness as if I am feeding off of the energy and power of the Leonids as they dance overhead. I am finding light in the darkness; I am finding happiness in the solitude; I am finding luck in the source of my life!
It has been no coincidence that I returned to celebrate my birthday in the city I was born and raised in. It's somehow inspiring to return from whence I came. I have been spending my past week in quiet meditation and isolation during the days and in celebration at nights. I will revel in everyday I can continue finding light on this unknown, darkened path!
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Living Life
I can't explain just how wonderful it has been to relax and regroup for the past week. We've all taken vacations from time to time - a chance to get away from the "real world" and escape the day to day stress of work and home. Believe me, I am not deluded enough to think that I am on vacation and have no worries in the world, but I am experiencing something so much different than ever before. I don't have that lingering expiration date in the back of my head counting down the days and hours until I return to my office. Even better, I don't have that dreaded feeling of "how ridiculously stacked is my desk going to be when I get back?!" You know those worries when you're on your vacation that either don't allow you to have a good time while you're away, or you just get more stressed out when you return from your vacation and wonder why you left in the first place? Thankfully, I don't have to worry about returning to that hellish place ever again!
This week, I have been in the Twin Cities meeting new people and enjoying time with some close friends. Put simply, I have been living life! I feel like I have been letting the past several years of my life pass me by without actually taking note of any purpose or intent to it. The past several years have gelled into a blur of repetition that makes it seem like months instead of years. Willfully, I've rediscovered true time again, whereas this week actually FELT like two weeks because it has been enjoyable and new! Fortunately, I didn't waste another week sitting behind an office desk for a week wishing my time away, wishing it was Friday or Saturday. Instead, I've been living in the moment and being thankful for every breath of life I have!
As you can probably tell, I am not taking this lightly... this is a REAL opportunity for me to start a better life for myself. It is important that I not rush this. Otherwise, I could end up in another bad situation or repeating past mistakes. Either or those scenarios, I cannot afford to have happen! At the same time, I can't squander this chance because I may not get this opportunity again for another 30 years! No pressure right?? LOL Actaully there isn't... I just need to listen to my heart and look for inspiration and direction again.
This week, I have been in the Twin Cities meeting new people and enjoying time with some close friends. Put simply, I have been living life! I feel like I have been letting the past several years of my life pass me by without actually taking note of any purpose or intent to it. The past several years have gelled into a blur of repetition that makes it seem like months instead of years. Willfully, I've rediscovered true time again, whereas this week actually FELT like two weeks because it has been enjoyable and new! Fortunately, I didn't waste another week sitting behind an office desk for a week wishing my time away, wishing it was Friday or Saturday. Instead, I've been living in the moment and being thankful for every breath of life I have!
As you can probably tell, I am not taking this lightly... this is a REAL opportunity for me to start a better life for myself. It is important that I not rush this. Otherwise, I could end up in another bad situation or repeating past mistakes. Either or those scenarios, I cannot afford to have happen! At the same time, I can't squander this chance because I may not get this opportunity again for another 30 years! No pressure right?? LOL Actaully there isn't... I just need to listen to my heart and look for inspiration and direction again.
Monday, November 2, 2009
A New Day
As some of you are aware, I left Omaha yesterday to begin my journey of insanity. It was an exhausting week prior, filled with cleaning, packing and moving, so when I hit the road yesterday it was nice to finally relax and enjoy a beautiful drive to Minneapolis on a mild, Autumn day. The winds were in my favor all day, so I felt like a falling leaf being carried away.
My dear friends here in the Minneapolis area have been gracious enough to take me in to their homes, so I feel well taken care of! I am thankful for my friends every day. As I have moved into this transitional time in my life, I have received so much love and support from my closest friends. It's times like these that I discover who my true friends are really.
If it weren't for all the support around me, I think I would be a hysterical heap of disaster. I have a considerable amount of confusion, disillusion, and unhappiness that has built up for several years, and now it is time to clean that waste out of the mental closet. In the short amount of time that I have broken away from the life that I knew, I would describe myself as disturbingly relaxed. When I stop and think about what I have done (in leaving my job and my home), I panic a little. Typically I am a very logically-thinking, reasonable person. I do enjoy taking calculated risks and being spontaneous, but this latest manuever is well over the top of my norm. My panic subsides when I think of all the support and love I have from my friends and I assure myself that this is only temporary. I WILL have a new job again relatively soon; I WILL have a new home again relatively soon; and it WILL be a better life than that one I just gave up! This interim period is a much needed break for me. It is necessary to recharge my heart and soul, which has been thoroughly drained in the past several years. Besides won't this make for some great stories to tell in the future?
My dear friends here in the Minneapolis area have been gracious enough to take me in to their homes, so I feel well taken care of! I am thankful for my friends every day. As I have moved into this transitional time in my life, I have received so much love and support from my closest friends. It's times like these that I discover who my true friends are really.
If it weren't for all the support around me, I think I would be a hysterical heap of disaster. I have a considerable amount of confusion, disillusion, and unhappiness that has built up for several years, and now it is time to clean that waste out of the mental closet. In the short amount of time that I have broken away from the life that I knew, I would describe myself as disturbingly relaxed. When I stop and think about what I have done (in leaving my job and my home), I panic a little. Typically I am a very logically-thinking, reasonable person. I do enjoy taking calculated risks and being spontaneous, but this latest manuever is well over the top of my norm. My panic subsides when I think of all the support and love I have from my friends and I assure myself that this is only temporary. I WILL have a new job again relatively soon; I WILL have a new home again relatively soon; and it WILL be a better life than that one I just gave up! This interim period is a much needed break for me. It is necessary to recharge my heart and soul, which has been thoroughly drained in the past several years. Besides won't this make for some great stories to tell in the future?
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