It came as somewhat of a surprise to me that I did not get called for a single job interview in the past couple of weeks. I am doing my best not to get discouraged, yet I am beginning to make plans and preparations for life without a full-time job in my profession. Now if I only knew where that should be? If I am only working part-time, then I won't be able to afford a place of my own, so I am contemplating searching for a roommate. Although, I know of no one in Omaha that needs one. This is the distressing part of it all because I know leaving Omaha means I am going to be missing more time with my daughter (with which she is equally upset about.) The cold reality of it is that I can't find a satisfying career in Nebraska, so I need to leave the state anyway. For those of you that don't know, I have honestly tried my best for years to make something work in Omaha or Lincoln for the benefit of my daughter, and I failed.
Back on point, I am continuing to wait for word on the resumes that I have sent out; however, Plan B has officially been initiated. On Monday, I ventured off to Southwest Colorado to see friends that I haven't seen in over three years. It was quite the adventure in travel and spirit, which oddly coincided with each other. When I left my parents house on Monday morning, I honestly had no idea where I was going. I had talked to various people about the possibilities of me visiting, but I went to bed Sunday night in an anxious state of mind. Colorado had been my primary target, so I stuck with it. My heart had been dying to be back in the mountains for a long time, so off I went on a densely foggy morning (e.g. my mind). I drove for two hours through fog and trance, all the while I was second guessing my decision to go so far away from the midwest. I pressed on anyway, and eventually I drove into bright sunshine that I hadn't seen in days! It was right then that I knew I was going the right direction afterall. I felt a sudden joy that I was heading West. When I finally came within sight of the mountains, I felt like I was home again. Unfortunately, it was nearing twilight when I passed through Denver, so I didn't get to see the mountains for very long. I had another five hours to drive and only an hour left of daylight. I knew that when it got dark the journey was going to be difficult because I was already getting tired. Once it got dark I finally stopped for an hour to eat in Salida, CO. I needed a break before driving the final 2 1/2 hours over two mountain passses. It was a lengthy 15 hours on the road that ended with a slow drive through falling snow on the final mountain pass. I was fried by this point and felt like I was hallucinating. I had to keep going though because I knew the forecast called for continual snowfall for the next few days. I made it to my friends house safely, even though I was quite delirious once I arrived!
Now that I am in Colorado, I intend to stay for a few weeks or until I get a call for an interview somewhere. I am contemplating going further West after my stay here, but I could just as easily end up back in the Midwest. The deciding factor there will be whether or not I can get my daughter out West with me for her Winter break over President's Day weekend. Besides like I said before, I am still considering a roommate and a part-time job.... Ugh, still so many variables, it's hard to know where I will ever be!
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Crossroads of the Fates
The holidays have ended, and the dust has settled from the family storm. Now, I find myself in the waiting room of destiny. In the last couple months, I have sent out a dozen resumes to jobs that I would be well qualified to do yet reaching for the next level in my career. Of course I didn't really expect to hear back regarding any interviews before the holidays were over, but now those expectations have changed. Any day now, a phone call could come in from any number of job applications, or not. I feel that I need to delay further travels until I give a couple weeks for employers to get back to me. Obviously I don't want to get too far away from the places I am applying to, in case a call for an interview comes in. However, if I don't have any calls in the next couple of weeks, then I will start my journey out of the Midwest. In the meantime, I wait at the crossroads.
Some personal things have been resolved in the last couple weeks anyway. I have decided to shift my life from relaxation mode into motivation and action. Since I am still waiting for another couple weeks, I will be in the planning stages for implementing these actions for now. Technically, I will be working on Plan B and Plan C, since these will be the routes I will take if the job search produces nothing. Plan B will consist of journeying on to visit more friends and doing limited job searching in the areas that I visit. Plan C will be more or less the sabbatical plan where I decide to scrap the job search (for now) and live life to the fullest until the money runs out.
In these plans, I am now starting to consider traveling abroad more seriously. I mean seriously, when will be the next time I will have so much free time on my hands to spend weeks or months abroad? Most likely that time will be 30-40 years from now when I retire. Given so many variables in that amount of time, I think I would be foolish to not take advantage of the opportunities to travel that I have right now!
If anyone actually reads this blog, I would greatly appreciate any words of encouragement or words of advice. I feel like I am at such a crucial juncture in my life right now, and it is a little overwhelming at times to make sure I am doing what I should be doing. Although honestly, it is more exciting than anything. The Universe has provided me with many blessings and gifts - I don't want to take any of those things for granted and I don't want to miss any opportunities.
Some personal things have been resolved in the last couple weeks anyway. I have decided to shift my life from relaxation mode into motivation and action. Since I am still waiting for another couple weeks, I will be in the planning stages for implementing these actions for now. Technically, I will be working on Plan B and Plan C, since these will be the routes I will take if the job search produces nothing. Plan B will consist of journeying on to visit more friends and doing limited job searching in the areas that I visit. Plan C will be more or less the sabbatical plan where I decide to scrap the job search (for now) and live life to the fullest until the money runs out.
In these plans, I am now starting to consider traveling abroad more seriously. I mean seriously, when will be the next time I will have so much free time on my hands to spend weeks or months abroad? Most likely that time will be 30-40 years from now when I retire. Given so many variables in that amount of time, I think I would be foolish to not take advantage of the opportunities to travel that I have right now!
If anyone actually reads this blog, I would greatly appreciate any words of encouragement or words of advice. I feel like I am at such a crucial juncture in my life right now, and it is a little overwhelming at times to make sure I am doing what I should be doing. Although honestly, it is more exciting than anything. The Universe has provided me with many blessings and gifts - I don't want to take any of those things for granted and I don't want to miss any opportunities.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Autumn's End
As we approach the end of another season, I have found it hard to write or verbalize my thoughts because I am in such a deep inward reflection regarding the past few months. Words simply haven't been coming to me easily, and I find that my mind is in some sort of hibernation. Actually, I find this frame of mind to be a good thing for the most part. I have been very content and happy in this mode, especially this past week. I have been making many observations, and I have been taking in the flow of energy around me. Every morning I wake up and expect my brain to be done processing all that it is grinding on and spit out a revelation about what I should be doing, where I should be doing it, and who I should be sharing these experiences with. So far though, nothing.
On a different subject, I have found an odd repetitive occurrence in the past few weeks. I have been approached by an unusually high number of strangers that keep asking me for money, and it has been happening in the oddest of places at times. One time I was just sitting in my car typing out a text message on my phone and a guy knocked on my window and asked if I had any money I could spare for gas. No, I wasn't even at a gas station... I am starting to think that even though I am on a very strict budget with no source of income, I should start helping the people that ask (even if I don't know them.) It just seems like maybe a sign when unusual events keep repeating themselves in such a short period of time.
As a matter of principle, I do try to help people as much as I can and even though I am in no position to be throwing money around, I can't afford to be stingy either. I believe that what you put out in the world will come back around, so if I am stingy with money, then I will have very little come back to me in return. However, if I am generous, then that generosity will be returned by others snd I will remain in a healthy state of being. This seems to be working well for me so far, and if I don't feel like I can offer up money at the time then I will try to offer up time, labor, or resources instead.
The nagging question that keeps coming to mind, however, is that eventually the money will run out without a source of income. Easy answer: I need to find a job even if that means a temporary part-time job (or a few). In turn, this also means that I need to settle into a place for longer than two weeks at a time. Of course this is all part of the slumbering process that my mind has endeavored into. It is also part of the delicate balance of enjoying my travels and while keeping money on hand. All in the evolving plan of what to do after the holidays. Answers are coming...
On a different subject, I have found an odd repetitive occurrence in the past few weeks. I have been approached by an unusually high number of strangers that keep asking me for money, and it has been happening in the oddest of places at times. One time I was just sitting in my car typing out a text message on my phone and a guy knocked on my window and asked if I had any money I could spare for gas. No, I wasn't even at a gas station... I am starting to think that even though I am on a very strict budget with no source of income, I should start helping the people that ask (even if I don't know them.) It just seems like maybe a sign when unusual events keep repeating themselves in such a short period of time.
As a matter of principle, I do try to help people as much as I can and even though I am in no position to be throwing money around, I can't afford to be stingy either. I believe that what you put out in the world will come back around, so if I am stingy with money, then I will have very little come back to me in return. However, if I am generous, then that generosity will be returned by others snd I will remain in a healthy state of being. This seems to be working well for me so far, and if I don't feel like I can offer up money at the time then I will try to offer up time, labor, or resources instead.
The nagging question that keeps coming to mind, however, is that eventually the money will run out without a source of income. Easy answer: I need to find a job even if that means a temporary part-time job (or a few). In turn, this also means that I need to settle into a place for longer than two weeks at a time. Of course this is all part of the slumbering process that my mind has endeavored into. It is also part of the delicate balance of enjoying my travels and while keeping money on hand. All in the evolving plan of what to do after the holidays. Answers are coming...
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Milking the Light of the Dark Moon
Those of us north of the equator have entered the dark half of the year in the midst of its first dark moon. Ahhh yes, the exact darkness to which I was borne into 35 years ago, which makes me feel like I have returned to my beginnings. I relish the dark moon and its inherent psychic play that guides me on an inward journey through the depths of self while I search for the yearnings of my soul. Instinctively, my energy wanes with the light of days. In the coming months I will undoubtedly recoil into a harsh solitude, but not yet. For the time being, I am reveling in much happiness as if I am feeding off of the energy and power of the Leonids as they dance overhead. I am finding light in the darkness; I am finding happiness in the solitude; I am finding luck in the source of my life!
It has been no coincidence that I returned to celebrate my birthday in the city I was born and raised in. It's somehow inspiring to return from whence I came. I have been spending my past week in quiet meditation and isolation during the days and in celebration at nights. I will revel in everyday I can continue finding light on this unknown, darkened path!
It has been no coincidence that I returned to celebrate my birthday in the city I was born and raised in. It's somehow inspiring to return from whence I came. I have been spending my past week in quiet meditation and isolation during the days and in celebration at nights. I will revel in everyday I can continue finding light on this unknown, darkened path!
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Living Life
I can't explain just how wonderful it has been to relax and regroup for the past week. We've all taken vacations from time to time - a chance to get away from the "real world" and escape the day to day stress of work and home. Believe me, I am not deluded enough to think that I am on vacation and have no worries in the world, but I am experiencing something so much different than ever before. I don't have that lingering expiration date in the back of my head counting down the days and hours until I return to my office. Even better, I don't have that dreaded feeling of "how ridiculously stacked is my desk going to be when I get back?!" You know those worries when you're on your vacation that either don't allow you to have a good time while you're away, or you just get more stressed out when you return from your vacation and wonder why you left in the first place? Thankfully, I don't have to worry about returning to that hellish place ever again!
This week, I have been in the Twin Cities meeting new people and enjoying time with some close friends. Put simply, I have been living life! I feel like I have been letting the past several years of my life pass me by without actually taking note of any purpose or intent to it. The past several years have gelled into a blur of repetition that makes it seem like months instead of years. Willfully, I've rediscovered true time again, whereas this week actually FELT like two weeks because it has been enjoyable and new! Fortunately, I didn't waste another week sitting behind an office desk for a week wishing my time away, wishing it was Friday or Saturday. Instead, I've been living in the moment and being thankful for every breath of life I have!
As you can probably tell, I am not taking this lightly... this is a REAL opportunity for me to start a better life for myself. It is important that I not rush this. Otherwise, I could end up in another bad situation or repeating past mistakes. Either or those scenarios, I cannot afford to have happen! At the same time, I can't squander this chance because I may not get this opportunity again for another 30 years! No pressure right?? LOL Actaully there isn't... I just need to listen to my heart and look for inspiration and direction again.
This week, I have been in the Twin Cities meeting new people and enjoying time with some close friends. Put simply, I have been living life! I feel like I have been letting the past several years of my life pass me by without actually taking note of any purpose or intent to it. The past several years have gelled into a blur of repetition that makes it seem like months instead of years. Willfully, I've rediscovered true time again, whereas this week actually FELT like two weeks because it has been enjoyable and new! Fortunately, I didn't waste another week sitting behind an office desk for a week wishing my time away, wishing it was Friday or Saturday. Instead, I've been living in the moment and being thankful for every breath of life I have!
As you can probably tell, I am not taking this lightly... this is a REAL opportunity for me to start a better life for myself. It is important that I not rush this. Otherwise, I could end up in another bad situation or repeating past mistakes. Either or those scenarios, I cannot afford to have happen! At the same time, I can't squander this chance because I may not get this opportunity again for another 30 years! No pressure right?? LOL Actaully there isn't... I just need to listen to my heart and look for inspiration and direction again.
Monday, November 2, 2009
A New Day
As some of you are aware, I left Omaha yesterday to begin my journey of insanity. It was an exhausting week prior, filled with cleaning, packing and moving, so when I hit the road yesterday it was nice to finally relax and enjoy a beautiful drive to Minneapolis on a mild, Autumn day. The winds were in my favor all day, so I felt like a falling leaf being carried away.
My dear friends here in the Minneapolis area have been gracious enough to take me in to their homes, so I feel well taken care of! I am thankful for my friends every day. As I have moved into this transitional time in my life, I have received so much love and support from my closest friends. It's times like these that I discover who my true friends are really.
If it weren't for all the support around me, I think I would be a hysterical heap of disaster. I have a considerable amount of confusion, disillusion, and unhappiness that has built up for several years, and now it is time to clean that waste out of the mental closet. In the short amount of time that I have broken away from the life that I knew, I would describe myself as disturbingly relaxed. When I stop and think about what I have done (in leaving my job and my home), I panic a little. Typically I am a very logically-thinking, reasonable person. I do enjoy taking calculated risks and being spontaneous, but this latest manuever is well over the top of my norm. My panic subsides when I think of all the support and love I have from my friends and I assure myself that this is only temporary. I WILL have a new job again relatively soon; I WILL have a new home again relatively soon; and it WILL be a better life than that one I just gave up! This interim period is a much needed break for me. It is necessary to recharge my heart and soul, which has been thoroughly drained in the past several years. Besides won't this make for some great stories to tell in the future?
My dear friends here in the Minneapolis area have been gracious enough to take me in to their homes, so I feel well taken care of! I am thankful for my friends every day. As I have moved into this transitional time in my life, I have received so much love and support from my closest friends. It's times like these that I discover who my true friends are really.
If it weren't for all the support around me, I think I would be a hysterical heap of disaster. I have a considerable amount of confusion, disillusion, and unhappiness that has built up for several years, and now it is time to clean that waste out of the mental closet. In the short amount of time that I have broken away from the life that I knew, I would describe myself as disturbingly relaxed. When I stop and think about what I have done (in leaving my job and my home), I panic a little. Typically I am a very logically-thinking, reasonable person. I do enjoy taking calculated risks and being spontaneous, but this latest manuever is well over the top of my norm. My panic subsides when I think of all the support and love I have from my friends and I assure myself that this is only temporary. I WILL have a new job again relatively soon; I WILL have a new home again relatively soon; and it WILL be a better life than that one I just gave up! This interim period is a much needed break for me. It is necessary to recharge my heart and soul, which has been thoroughly drained in the past several years. Besides won't this make for some great stories to tell in the future?
Friday, October 23, 2009
The Grand Sending
Ok, I admit I had some butterflies fluttering around in my stomach this morning when I approached my office for the last time. I think I even had some woodpeckers flapping and pecking at my brain trying to wake me up from this potentially colossal mistake I may be making. Strangely, I have been very calm through this whole upheaval, and thankfully it didn't take long for me to bring myself back to that calm this morning.
In case I needed any more assurance that I am doing the right thing for myself by leaving my miserable job, all I had to do was attend my farewell luncheon today. A grand total of 12 people showed up to say goodbye to me. This might not sound bad, but consider I work for a city that employs a couple hundred people! The darkly amusing part was that a few of them only showed up for the free food and never said a word to me. Need I say more?
Oh well, tomorrow is a new day and a new beginning, and I couldn't be happier about that!
In case I needed any more assurance that I am doing the right thing for myself by leaving my miserable job, all I had to do was attend my farewell luncheon today. A grand total of 12 people showed up to say goodbye to me. This might not sound bad, but consider I work for a city that employs a couple hundred people! The darkly amusing part was that a few of them only showed up for the free food and never said a word to me. Need I say more?
Oh well, tomorrow is a new day and a new beginning, and I couldn't be happier about that!
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